Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
We named our party play list daddy issues
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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