this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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