If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
