why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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