She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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