Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
