I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize