I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
