u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
