I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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