If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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