I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
