i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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