I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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