The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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