i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize