I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she told me i tasted like america
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
