there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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