Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
