I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
