I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize