His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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