hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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