There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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