someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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