alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
