well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
