We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
