well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
