I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
