A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
