i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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