apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
sarcasm needs its own font
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
