i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
