I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
