I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize