I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
