whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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