she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize