I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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