I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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