I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
either way he was missing a nipple.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
