I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I supernannyed him into submission
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
