id be glad to
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
