Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
