It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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