im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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