So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this just has baby written all over it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
