it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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