I think I won the penis lottery.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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