Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
