he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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