they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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