tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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