I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
