It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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