I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
