Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Soap is not a condiment
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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