I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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