Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
