She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
