i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
