What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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