She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
